My friends and I are hitting the road this month, planning to hit a few national parks on our way to the west coast. I have a very high end SUV. My friend has a very fuel efficient, but small, hybrid. Which do you think is more important for two weeks on the road? Luxurious comfort, or extra money/lower carbon emissions?

JR: I do not understand carbon emissions, but I sure get luxury. Don’t let a few bucks and the environment get in the away of an enjoyable, luxurious trip to some national parks.

JW: Since global warming is a made up thing by Al Gore, just take that part of it out of the equation. If you are going to parts that have off-road places to camp, that would be sweet to bring the SUV. Also, if you hit and kill an old fisherman in the rain, transporting the body will be easier in the SUV. So I vote SUV for you, because you don’t want someone to ever say, “I know what you did last summer.”

JT: I’m a cheapskate with a guilty conscience, so I’m going to say hybrid all the way. Plus, you can use that extra money for trail rides, white water rafting, and sweatshirts you’ll never wear again.

I’m going camping with my boyfriend for the first time and I’m nervous. When we started dating, I said I enjoyed nature, but I meant like a short hike at Great Bear. How can I psych myself up to have a good time, when all I can think about is the wild animals, bugs, and potential serial killers in the woods?

JR: When I met my girlfriend, I told her that I enjoyed medicine. I’ve been pretending to be a doctor ever since. Unless you want to return to singledom, smile, and lie through your teeth.

JW: You are feeling the much deserved blowback from “The Girl Move.” What is that, you say? It is when ladies will pretend to be into whatever the guy is, or pretend that it is cool that he’s close friends with his ex for a few months until you’re a cemented couple. Then, at some point, you have to show the true you. And the true you better not be allergic to poison oak, because you’re going camping!

JT: Luckily, South Dakota state parks have you covered. Just opt for a cabin instead of a tent site. It’s the perfect compromise. He gets the trees and solitude. You get AC and a locking door.

I received what I think is a re-gifted gift card for my birthday from a friend. It has four dollars and change left on it for a local restaurant. Should I say something in case there was a mistake, or just enjoy the discount the next time I patronize that establishment?

JR: I haven’t gotten a birthday gift from a friend since elementary school. I would say he or she went above and beyond. Take that gift card and buy yourself a beer.  Cheers.

JW: That is 90 cups of coffee at Wall Drug or infinite glasses of free ice water! You’re rich!

JT: If you want to bring it up, wait until you’re both a little tipsy and make a joke about it. Otherwise, just appreciate the fact that your friend liked you enough to attempt to give you a free meal that could have been theirs.

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