This guy who I thought was my friend sent me a late-night text that was… provocative. How do I keep the friendship after this? It just seems awkward now.

JR: An unprovoked provocative text put you in a pickle. Hit the delete button and forget about it! I bet he already has.

JW: Tell this late night skeez to delete your number. I’m just saying, that’s outrageous, girl. I’m sorry to hear that… Do you need to talk about it? Want me to swing over? You up?

JT: I would definitely take a break talking to this person. Let them cool off and take a cold shower, and you’ll be fine in a few weeks. If it really did bother you, though, I would maybe bring it up to him and just say, “Hey, we’re friends, right?” Friends don’t let friends send… “provocative” texts to each other.

I planned a surprise party for my friend, but they have made other plans. How do I get them to come without ruining the surprise?

JR: It sounds like you have found yourself in the ultimate catch 22. You put the cart before the horse by planning the surprise before nailing down plans with the surprise. Perhaps a little sleight of hand could occur if you managed to cancel these other plans…

JW: Usually, I just threaten the lives of the other people they made plans with. I’m 100 percent so far!

JT: If you can, be in touch with said “other plans.” I’m sure they’ll love to help out with getting them to where they
need to be!

My friend wants us to all dress up in a group costume together, and that sounds like my nightmare. How do I get out of it, or do I just have to hide and stay in?

JR: If group costumes give you nightmares, Halloween is no night for your to be out and about. Stay home where you are safe from such terrors.

JW:  Tell them you already bought a costume. Then, when that doesn’t work, just say whatever they want to do as a group costume is cultural appropriation and say you’re offended. Being offended is the new get-out-of-jail-free card.

JT: Group costumes are a nightmare, but sometimes you have to bite the bullet and just dress with up with your friends. Trust me, one day your friends will have babies and no one will ask you to dress up with them. Then you’ll have to have a baby and make them dress up in a group costume, because there will be no one left.

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