One of my good friends has become very self-absorbed after losing weight. I’m happy for her, but now she’s pushing me out for other people. What should I do?
JR: My roommates told me I was too big too be around, too. They should be happy… I am a growing boy, right? Mom? Dad? Love me…
JW: Maybe stop being jelly of your friend and start a clique like in Mean Girls. I call Veronika. Wait, is there a Veronika? I just want to be mean to people.
JT: Are you sure this is what’s happening? Maybe ask her to coffee and catch up in general to feel it out. Tell her you miss seeing her. I wouldn’t bring up any weight issues. It’s such a touchy subject. Do I want to talk about my dad bod? No. Wait… why didn’t you say anything? Do I have a dad bod?
What is the best way to start conversations with women at the bar?
JR: I always go with insults. I usually tell them their breath or feet smell bad. They alway slap me after because they know how Daddy likes it.
JW: Never start the convo, just put on some sweet Drakkar Noir, undo a button or two, and let the ladies come flocking. Do what Mystery from The Pick-up Artist did in 2007 on VH1. First, put on a giant velvet hat. Then, when they start talking to you, make sure you insult them to throw them off. Next, start talking to their friend, ignoring the girl you want to pick up. Eventually this will work, what could go wrong? The year 2007 was the best!
JT: I always compliment something that stands out. Let them know you like their shirt or earrings. Or, if you’re a girl, tell them something similar. If you just ask them how their night is going, or something of that nature, sometimes people are caught off guard as to why you’re randomly talking to them.
My sister brought home a boyfriend that I can’t stand. I thought it would be short-lived, but he’s still around. How can I not make it apparent I can’t stand him?
JR: Start flirting with him. Hear me out… He will be uncomfortable with his girlfriend’s brother hitting on him, or he has something he needs to tell your sister. Done deal!
JW: Have you tried planting drugs on him? Wait… is your sister into bad boys? Maybe don’t do that, she’ll love it.
JT: Honestly, you don’t have to date him, so just suck it up unless it’s something serious. And thinking he’s annoying is not serious.