My brother just started dating this new girl, who none of us have ever met. She seems to keep him to herself, and he is starting to miss family gatherings. What do we say to him without hurting his feelings?

JR: Young love can be fickle.  You need to let them blossom before interfering. Once in full bloom, slap the girlfriend with a heavy dose of reality.

JW: For a detailed plan of action, please refer to South Park season 3, episode 3: “The Succubus.”

JT: Ask him if there is something someone did or something anyone can do to make her feel more comfortable. Maybe see what hobbies she enjoys, and try to engage in that. The most important question, though… is she real?

I went to a restaurant the other day, and the server was terrible. He spilled wine on me and messed up our orders. When I told my friend I wasn’t going to tip, she made me feel heartless, so I ended up giving 20 percent. What would have been the smart thing to do in this situation?

JR: I once went to a restaurant and was literally served dirty dish water. Being a polite Midwesterner, I asked if the water was “flavored.” I still tipped 20 percent.

JW: Under tip, write exactly this: “nah, brah -15 percent.” Then, on the total line, subtract 15 percent from the bill.

JT: Honestly, you did the right thing. You don’t know what kind of day they had, or maybe you were their “off table.” They’ll remember your tip, and probably really appreciated it after all of that.

I work full time, but I really want to get outside more to enjoy the beautiful weather. What are some ways to enjoy the outdoors without compromising my work schedule?

JR: You gotta make that Vitamin D a priority. Bike to work, eat lunch outside. Heck, take up smoking if you have to. Whatever it takes, get out in the sun.

JW: You could try to get arrested, and be placed on one of those side of the highway work crews. Be careful that you don’t end up in prison – gen-pop is no place to see trees and rolling hills. Maybe just work in more hikes on your weekends. Yeah, do that instead. Forget the first idea.

JT: Eat outside for lunch on workdays. If you can’t, go for a walk after 5 p.m. or grill dinner. Why do you need tips on getting outside, anyways? Is this a vampire we’re talking to?

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