My sisters are getting married three weeks apart in different (far away) states this summer. I could maybe swing one trip, but there’s no way I can afford to go to both. Do I pick one and piss the other off, or do I skip both and send each a nice gift?

JR: RSVP to both. Go to the first one and when you are just drunk enough, insist on giving a speech. In the speech, air all your sister’s dirty laundry. You won’t be needed at the second wedding.

JW: Oh you are so screwed. You need to go take out a payday loan and make it to both. Seriously, sell blood, pawn your car, or start a crowdsourcing page to pay for it. If you skip one or both, you will be a family pariah. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

JT: Start mowing lawns, buddy. Or come up with a good excuse, skip both, and lay low for a while. If you go to one and not the other, it’s going to look like you’re playing favorites, and that will likely cause ripples for years.

I just set up my first online dating profile. I haven’t gone on any dates from the site yet because I’m nervous that the guys are going to be psychos, but there is one I’ve started chatting with. What would you suggest as a first date that would be safe and comfortable for a dating newbie?

JR: I’ve been online dating since AOL set up online chat rooms. I’m a pro at the online part. Never had an actual in-person date yet, though. Let me know how it goes.

JW: I’m swiping left on you, because you sound high maintenance.

JT: If you’re truly nervous, suggest lunch or coffee. However, it sounds like you’re just making excuses. Pull the trigger and give someone a chance. Romance isn’t going to find you if you stay on your couch.

My fiancée has started talking about babies. A lot. I don’t want kids, and last time I checked, she didn’t either. Should I hang on and hope that this baby fever is a phase that will pass?

JR: I wouldn’t start asking your fiancée questions about what she wants family-wise. It doesn’t seem like your place. Sit tight and hope it passes.

JW: If you want a nice bucket of ice-water for that fever of hers, have her sleep over at one of your friends’ houses who have a newborn for a weekend. The sleep schedule alone will totally ‘Romo’ that baby fever out. (I’m using Romo as a synonym for choke, because Tony Romo, and football is almost here, and what was the question?)

JT: Volunteer to babysit for a friend’s kids together. Not a cute little baby, either. Make sure you pick someone with a couple of teething toddlers. If she still wants kids after that, odds are it’s not going to pass and you’ll have to have a talk.

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