Oh my sweet girl, how has it already been one whole year?
It feels like just yesterday I was in your room, arranging your mountain of books into piles of must-reads and favorites, imagining all the time we would spend exploring magical worlds and underwater castles.
Back when I didn’t know your eyes or the feeling of your deep breaths upon my chest, or even the way you smile in your sleep. All the things I didn’t know I needed.
Pulling up to the hospital to be induced, the unknown territory had left me a bundle of nerves and doubt. Doubt in my ability to get through the next 24 hours, doubt in my ability to feel the way I was expected to feel, and doubt it my ability to be everything you needed me to be.
My hair was straightened and my makeup was applied, and I was ready to make trendy videos of me walking the halls of the labor and delivery ward. My playlist softly looped in the backgrounds, and as your arrival got closer, my ability to stay in control got further and further away.
In reality, it was a long and terrifying process that left me feeling exhausted and scared. I loved you, that I knew. What I didn’t know was that everything from this moment on would be different.
A Year In Cartoons
Find cartoons or educational shows that you can tolerate and enjoy. Some of our favorites include The Magic School Bus, Puffin Rock, and Doc McStuffins.
I wasn’t prepared for the onslaught of emotions, or the physical toll labor would take on my body. Or the fact that even though I was no longer pregnant, my body was still yours. Actually, everything was yours. My attention, my energy, and most of all, my love.
From the first moment your tiny blushed fingers wrapped around my thumb, to now (your fingers longer and slimmer, holding on for just a brief moment while you regain your balance before you stagger away), I have loved you.
Sloan Emerson, these first 12 months of your life have been the very best of mine.
Not a day goes by that you don’t amaze me. Your never-ending sense of wonder leaves me asking questions I should have always been asking. Your attention to everything around you reminds me to always be self-aware. Your innate desire to try new things gives me courage to explore all the possibilities that life presents.
What I've Learned
- It’s not considered hoarding when it comes to daycare projects and DIY presents. Stock up on waterproof totes to keep your fridge clutter free and memories safe and sound.
- Baby books can be hard to keep up with. Dedicate a folder or note on your phone to keep track of milestones and memorable moments (that you can later transfer).
- Speaking of milestones, don’t spend your time comparing your little one to someone else’s. As long as your baby is happy and healthy, everything else will happen when it should.
The list of things you have taught me goes on and on, and for that I will always be grateful. Thank you for giving me the chance to watch you become the person you’re meant to be. From the curls that frame your cheeks to the way you grip your toes when you’re excited, every ounce of your being is purposefully wonderful.
Your entire life is ahead of you and after experiencing just one year, I can’t wait to see what happens next.
But don’t be fooled, no part of me is wishing away the days of reading the same book 19 times or playing with your hair once you’ve fallen asleep. Because these small moments are what make me love you more and more each day.
Though you may lose the way you wobble around the living room, or the way you mumble “mama” when you’re laying in your crib, I hope you never lose you.
I will give it my all to teach you how important it is to be kind and to stay true to yourself. I will strive to always be honest with you and to listen when you feel unheard. But most of all, I will always love you.
Happy 1st birthday.
Love, Mama.
