I KILLED MY GIRLFRIEND’S GOLDFISH, BUT I DON’T WANT HER TO KNOW. SHOULD I BUY HER A NEW FISH OR SHOULD I JUST TELL HER THE TRUTH?
JR: Always, never, sometimes is the rule on that. Or is that for buttoning your jacket?
JW: Can I offer an alternative? Dump her. Who has a pet goldfish? I’ll tell you who, serial killers and kids that won them at a fair. Either way, you shouldn’t be dating her!
JT: The good in me wants to say tell her. But the fact that it’s a goldfish makes me want to say just replace it. Maybe “rock, paper, scissors” with someone to figure out this issue.
I NEVER KNOW WHAT TO GET MY BOYFRIEND FOR HIS BIRTHDAY, OUR ANNIVERSARY, ETC. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEAS FOR WHAT I SHOULD GET HIM?
JR: Definitely a BJ. I could always use new blue jeans!
JW: A steak, a glass of fine scotch, and some peace and quiet. Seriously, Ron Swanson him.
JT: It’s always nice to get someone an experience. Maybe take him to a new place he’s wanted to eat at, or maybe even an overnight trip somewhere. Or if you normally hate something like golfing, surprise him with nine holes. He’ll really appreciate it.
WHENEVER I GO TO THE GROCERY STORE I BUY WAY MORE FOOD THAN I NEED. HOW CAN I KEEP MYSELF FROM WASTING FOOD AND SPENDING TOO MUCH?
JR: Do you think I grocery shop for myself? Pass.
JW: The ancient Greeks had a pretty sweet plan where they just binged and purged so they could eat more. They even had buildings called vomitoriums. Now I’m no doctor, though.
JT: Definitely eat before you go so you don’t grab things that look good. Also, create a list, and don’t stray from it unless you absolutely have to.