MY SISTER IS PLANNING HER WEDDING AND SHE KEEPS WORRYING ABOUT HER GUESTS’ HAPPINESS AT HER WEDDING AND NOT HER OWN. HOW DO I TELL HER TO PUT HERSELF FIRST?
JR: Do what my mom does to my dad and passively aggressively write messages on his bathroom mirror in lipstick on the day of the wedding. He loves it, and it works (almost) every time!
JW: If she wants to be happy, why is she getting married?
JT: “Hey. Put yourself first.” Next.
MY BEST FRIEND WON’T STOP TALKING ABOUT HER NEW BOYFRIEND. I’M GLAD SHE’S EXCITED, BUT IT’S GETTING KIND OF ANNOYING. SHOULD I TELL HER TO TONE IT DOWN, OR SHOULD I WAIT AND SEE IF SHE STOPS ON HER OWN?
JR: Once the trial phase is over, it will then move on to ‘dead in the eyes’ phase. Give it three more months.
JW: Maybe institute a swear jar-type situation where every time she talks about him, she has to put money in the ‘Swimfan Jar.’ Don’t sleep on the 2002 classic starring Jesse Bradford and Erika Christensen.
JT: I’ve said something before. Do. Not. Do. It. It only goes (very) poorly. Trust.
MY MOM TEXTS ME CONSTANTLY— ALL DAY, EVERY DAY. I GUESS I APPRECIATE HER DEVOTION, BUT HOW DO I TELL HER TO GIVE ME A LITTLE SPACE?
JR: Who doesn’t want this?
JW: Just keep accidentally sending her inappropriate stuff. When she asks why you’re sending it, just tell her that it’s accidentally going to her because she’s at the top of the text list. She’ll chill when she starts getting pictures of bongs and ritual sacrifices.
JT: Moms are hard to call off. Look at it from the other angle—would you rather she never text you?